By Piyanoot Rattananukool
The difference of cultural backgrounds between communicators can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in conversation. Based on my research "Politeness in Diplomatic Talk: A Thai Case Study" (2015), which applies Brown and Levinson’s politeness theory (1987) to cross-cultural interaction analysis, intercultural politeness involves appealing to your conversation partner’s face wants.
Theoretically, the positive face means the human want to be desired and accepted by the conversation partner (interlocutor), while the negative face means the sense of ownership toward personal territory covering spaces and belongings, once this personal boundary is infringed without permission, the person tends to feel uncomfortable, for example, a new roommate uses your soup without a request or asking for a permission, she can be judged by you as an impolite person because she fails to serve your negative face want.
Your communication by words and body language which serve the hearer's inner wants properly are considered as strategies for effective interpersonal communication. That is to say, if you treat your conversation partners in the right ways, your conversation can satisfy them psychologically.
The ways to generate polite conversation with foreigners or people from other cultures are as follows:
1. Topic Selection Try to choose safe topics, such as family warmth and pride. However, avoid sensitive issues, such as financial or marital status. "Are you single?, How much is your salary? " may not be polite to make friend because it is too personal to ask your new friends.
Your small talk can involve impressive touring experiences in the hearer’s country, complimenting local products and traditional food to demonstrate appreciation for the other's culture and relevant social identity. It's advisable to avoid talking about serious issues, such as political conflicts, poverty, or racism. These topics can bring the end of conversation due to the contrast of attitudes, especially in the first meeting or in the formal situation.
2. Converting to the Hearer's Culture Communication Accommodation Theory by Howard Giles explains the adaptation process which serves interpersonal harmony, for example, the two speakers show cooperation and mutual approval by using similar speech rate and accent, changing from each person’s own style.
This approach can be applied to your conversation across cultures by using the cultural elements of your conversation partner, and be brave to step out of your own cultural boundary. Culture is created by humans. It is what people learn from their community and also shows the group identity.
When speaking with a foreigner, show your support and appreciation to his/her culture or how much you wish to learn about it. I'm not saying that you should lie or be insincere. A good way is to find an aspect that you are interested and convert to the cultural elements, such as wearing their traditional dress, cooking their food, and describing the positive aspects of their cultural heritage or religious beliefs.
Language is a part of culture. Switch to their language in some parts of conversation is a cultural convergence. For example, if you greet in Malaysian, use meaningful words and idioms in Malaysian language can confirm your willingness to build a good relationship with the Malaysian you speak with. In the Thai community, terms like "Mae" (mother), "Jai Yen Yen - Just keep your mind cool."(Stay calm and react carefully.) and "Yim" (smile) hold significant meanings. The foreigners using such Thai words in the context correctly can evoke Thais' positive impression.
3. Finding Common Ground Two cultures can share similarities, that is, both speakers have the same cultural experience, then they feel close to each other easily and tend to find a solution smoothly. Emphasizing these similarities in your conversation is a key, such as sports (football, tennis, cricket, for example, if you both are sport lovers), loyalty to monarchies, religious beliefs, and historical backgrounds.
Imagine, people from Muslim countries speak and understand each other deeply, although they are from different world regions. Another example is the conversation between a Thai and a Bhutani, both share their experience about their beloved kings.
This strategy helps establish an in-group relationship. However, topics related to historical conflicts should be approached with caution. Some countries have historical wars and the people's hurt has remained over time. It is suggested by Cohen, a scholar in cultural diplomacy, not to mention this wound. Avoid talking about such historical pain or unfairness, unless mutual trust is ensured.
4. Awareness of Different Cultural Degrees Recognize cultural variations in formality, privacy, animal rights, women's rights, children's rights. Though some societies have the same social values, the levels of preference or prioritization are different. Some cultures embrace close relationships and casual interactions, while others adhere to official roles, social status, and procedures. Consider what is important in the situational context before commenting and reacting.
5. Understanding Nonverbal Communication: Some cultural meanings are not presented in language, for example, symbolic colors, national animals, traditional dresses, and meaningful songs in a society.
For example, the way you sit can signify your politeness in Thailand. Buddhist Thais also feel extremely bad or unusual if you wear a monk’s yellow-orange robe or place a Buddha statue on the floor because the Buddha and monks are highly respected in Thai society. In a formal or semi-formal situation, Thais also feel that feet should be kept properly when sitting or standing, and the head can be touched by the older or a person of higher status to show care and kindness.
In Thai culture, using a foot (to point or to touch the other person, or showing feet obviously while sitting) is viewed as being impolite, because the feet are culturally interpreted in association with a lower part, while the head is considered as the top part of the body and it is valued as the person's central self. If you chase a Thai stranger from your space by kicking him or her slightly, you will be perceived so aggressive, uncivilized, and brutal in the eyes of Thais.
To survive in other cultural communities, refrain from using offensive terms and symbols which indicate or imply the disrespect of other races, nationalities, other religions, other social and educational systems. Careless or unintentional use of words and signs can cause misinterpretation and trigger serious conflicts.
Politeness is determined by how far the hearer from the target culture can sense your politeness attempt. Your knowledge about their side can be applied to show appropriate behaviors in the international context.
Note: People in Asian cultures are trained about emotional control in social context. They may not tell you obviously that you are not accepted or they disagree with you because they see that direct answers can harm the relationship. Cultural sensitivity can help you realize how they feel and adjust your negotiation masterfully to meet the goal of your communication.
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